A humorous look at the odder things that go on in the world written by author Mikel B. Classen. If you’re looking for something to pick up your day, this is the place to look.
A UFO was spotted in China, Deqing in Guandong Province. There were several witnesses including scientists at the Purple Mountain Observatory in Nanjing. The scientists claim to have over 40 minutes of footage that the accidentally got when they were observing the recent solar eclipse. Unfortunately they say it will take them a year to fully analyze it and by then most people will have forgotton about it. Funny how that works. The fact that the Chinese news media is touting this information means it was too widespread to suppress it. There is the usual plethora of the inevitable amatuer video clips which, when seen close up really don’t show any detail. I know, surprise.
This of course shows my case quite aptly. It looks like a flying eggroll. Maybe it’s looking for some hot mustard somewhere. How come, with all of the video and audio equipment people are roaming around with, this is the best we can get? For god’s sake, China is making most of the electronics now, you’d think these people would be better equipped. Below we present the Youtube video as it was aired in China. No, there are no subtitles.
Even the video on here is disappointing. So here’s the crux, if they DO find something on the observatory footage, it should be exceptional quality since they can pick up the detail of a hemorrhiod on a Martian, will they ever tell us? Or will they be like every other government and bury it away somewhere. Actually, they’ll probably turn out to be just as blurry. I know, the spaceships have this anti-photography shield. It’s a little like Stealth, only for cameras. Hell, by now the aliens proably have a Twitter account and a Facebook page. “You were tagged in these photos from China.” The link I took all of this from is below. Check it out for yourself, you can read the original news article and there’s even another blurry flying saucer pic to mull over.
I have to ask, how does this stuff happen? A guy fires off a Civil war cannon and a two-pound ball blows through his neighbor’s wall. First really big question, Why is this thing loaded? I live near Mackinac Island, Michigan. They have a fort there that is a huge tourist attraction and they frequently fire the cannons. I know they can be fired without the balls. When they go off it is real obvious the things work…well. William Maser, 54 of Georges Township, Pennsylvania apparently doesn’t understand that. Which brings us to the next question, why is it aimed at his neighbor? Maser claims that the cannon ball ricocheted off a rock, but that still means he was firing in the general direction of this house that ended up being blasted by this yokel. At least it wasn’t one of the balls that actually explode. Granted it’s a small consolation when a steel ball comes bouncing through your bathroom, the medicine cabinet was a casualty, but we have to find the silver linings where we can. If you follow the link below, you can read the original report and see WPXI TVs original report. It’s worth watching just for the idiot they are interviewing. I’ll never figure out why a middle aged man would think that being shirtless is the way to do a TV interview. Apparently, no one in this neighborhood is scoring real high on the IQ test. I’m thinking…Blight Law. Maser is currently being charged with reckless endangerment (Ya think?) and (I love this) mischief. Maser has apologized and says he won’t fire off his cannons any more. Personally I think they should confiscate his balls so he won’t be tempted to fire them at any more of his neighbors. http://www.wpxi.com/news/20711772/detail.html
Welcome sports fans. I’m so excited I have to keep going back and correcting my spelling. It’s official, the LFL (That’s Lingerie Football League, for those of you that are a bit behind) has announced they will be instituting a regular season starting this fall. Yes, the pay-per-view Superbowl Halftime special of Lingerie Football which has been providing an alternative to aging rockstars has decided to take their game to the next level. And what a game, women in helmets and shoulder pads and not much more. It gives a whole new meaning for padded bra. This is being billed as “True Fantasy Football.” It certainly qualifies as mine. This is full contact, tackle football, none of that wimpy touch, flag, crap. In HD you should be able to hear the smack of silicone. Whoever thought of this is an absolute genius. I’m already a fan and it hasn’t even started. I can’t wait to see them line up every week on the line of scrimmage. The running back bouncing down the field, the wide reciever going out for a long one, the tight end doing… well anything. This could redefine tailgating. There are ten teams established that will be playing across the country on fridays starting 9/04/09 at the Sears Centre, in Chicago, Illinois home of the Chicago Bliss. Wow, TGIF. That ought to heat up the end of summer and fall. Other teams are the Dallas Desire (I wonder if there’s a Debbie in there), San Diego Seduction, Denver Dream (Yea we know what kind of dream that is), Los Angeles Tempation, (How come California always gets more teams than everybody else?) and Seattle Mist (sounds like a drink). Oh yes, there will be a Lingerie Bowl. I wonder if it will be sponsored by Victoria’s Secret. Their advertising would be as good as the NFLs (actually better). You can check it out at www.lingeriebowl.com it’s worth it just for the video promos. I wonder what their halftime will be? Maybe Janet Jackson? It’s going to be hard to top the players. Just think of the endzone dances, dudes there’s a goalpost. It’s about time we got women more involved in sports. I think they should have an LFL draft. They could pick from Playboy Playmates and Penthouse Pets. I’ll volunteer as commissioner. I’m officially putting my name in right here. You don’t even have to pay me. I’ll work for beer.
Here’s a bright idea. Let’s give the President, Obama currently, the power to just randomly shut down the internet. I can’t imagine this one not being abused. Yes, if Senate Bills #s 773 and 778 have their way introduced by Jay Rockefeller and co-sponsored by Olympia Snowe, the President will get the power to shut off the internet to stop the flow of information within the U.S. whenever he deems it an appropriate cyber emergency. It also will provide immediate information to the Secretary of Commerce on all privately owned networks deemed to be critical to the nation’s infrastructure “without regard to any provision of law, regulation, rule, or policy restricting such access.” We’re talking major privacy invasion issues here, not to mention wadding up the constitution and throwing it in the trash. The problem is that nowhere do these bills define what circumstances are appropriate and does not define what a cyber emergency is. I’ve embedded a video below which explains this insanity further…and better. This has bipartisan sponsorship which means this actually could have a chance of passing. For those of us that blog and are primary to this information flow, this is a direct attack AND SHOULD BE OF PRIMARY CONCERN.
I don’t know why we keep fooling around with stuff we just shouldn’t be messing with. Take this project to fire lasers to recreate a miniature sun on the surface of the earth. I’m not a scientist but it seems like a no-brainer to me that this is a BAD IDEA! I suspect there’s a reason that the sun is 93 million miles away. This project should be as well. Apparently these people have never seen Spiderman 2 where Doc Ock basically tries the same thing only with disasterous results. Guys, if you screw up Spiderman isn’t going to be there to save you. “The National Ignition Facility has already test-fired all 192 giant lasers at Lawrence Livermore National Laboratory in California as a part of this concept. The lasers will eventually focus their power on compressing and heating a single, pea-sized fuel capsule to more than 180 million degrees Fahrenheit in order to trigger thermonuclear fusion. Just 150 micrograms of deuterium and tritium, or less than one-millionth of a pound, can serve as the fuel for the NIF experiment. But containing the high-temperature plasma from a fusion reaction represents a special challenge: temperatures of 180 million degrees F and up would melt any known substance.” Challenge? Melt any known substance! Does that include the containment unit? How about the planet itself? Tritium, Isn’t that the same substance Doc Ock was after? “The rapid, intense heating from the lasers makes the outer layer of the tiny fuel capsule explode outward, and that compresses the remaining fuel inward and helps trigger the fusion reaction. Fusion burn consumes the cooler, outer regions of the capsule faster than the capsule can expand, which contains the resulting reaction.” You hope. Seems to me the key word here is Explode! This could give a whole new meaning to global warming. What if your little sun decides to go nova? Seems to me I read somewhere that our atmoshere is flamable. I think there’s a reason that stars function so well in the vacuum of space. I thought scientists were suppossed to be smart. I repeat…..BAD IDEA!!!!!
The Thunder God announced today that he is sueing Torvald Alexander for defamation of character. Of course I’m only kidding, the Thunder God Thor isn’t really sueing, even though he probably should. Torvald Alexander of Edinburgh, Scotland is a fan of Marvel Comics’ “Mighty Thor. So much so that he decided to create his own costume and go out on NewYear’s Eve dressed like him, or Alexander’s version of what Thor looks like. Most of the costume consists of tinfoil. Yeah, you heard me right, tinfoil. Apparently, upon arrival home that night, Torvald’s house was being victimized by a burglar. Dressed as Thor, he charged at the thief and the thief jumped out a nearby window and ran, frightened by Thor/Torvald’s appearance. It would have frightened me too, this screaming, flashing, foily thing running at me yelling “Verily, ye shall I smite.” Mr Alexander, 39, said: “As soon as he saw me his eyes went wide with terror. He looked like he had had a few drinks and decided to do a late night break in, but he hadn’t counted on the God of Thunder living here.” He added: “I had just got back from a fancy dress New Year’s party (This is the first time I ever heard of tinfoil as fancy dress) and because I have a Norwegian name I decided to go as Thor. It took ages making the cape, helmet and breast plate, and I must admit it was a bit chilly walking home (Yep, wrap yourself up in metal in the middle of winter), but when I saw that guy I just went mad and charged at him, my cape flying behind me. He probably would not have expected to meet a strong builder, especially dressed in tinfoil and silver.” No I would expect not. The house-breaker did not steal anything but left behind his shoes and the garden fork he used to break in. Garden fork? He landed on a pitched roof outside the window which broke his fall, and made his escape. Bare foot? That costume inspired some kind of fear. Which brings me to my main point. Isn’t the greater crime here, that Torvald appeared in public wearing little more than some wrapped tinfoil. I haven’t seen that much foil since the Roswell alien festival. I wonder if you turn him the right direction, can he pick up radio stations. I really hate to think what he was using for Thor’s hammer: Mjollnir. He’s lucky it wasn’t raining, he’d have been a perfect target for one of Thor’s thunderbolts. It’s not much of a mystery why he came home alone. Well, at least we know who won’t be in the running for the casting of the new Thor movie…I hope.
You know how companies are always told to diversify, well I’m guessing that’s exactly what happened at some overpaid think-tank at Burger King. On Monday, the company announced to release of their new fragrance…”Flame.” Oh boy, Oh joy, now I can smell like a bar-b-que pit anytime I want. Yes, this will guarantee that I can attract overweight, hungry women by the hordes. “Dude, you smell like a burger joint.” “Why that’s my new body spray from Burger King. It’s actually cheaper than a Whopper.” “So that’s why all of those stray dogs are following you.” “Yea it does have drawbacks.” Yes I can see this one turning up under every Christmas tree. Currently the fragrance Flame is available only in New York at a place called Ricky’s but you can pick up a bottle at drive-thru prices, $3.99. They can also be ordered from a special website: www.firemeetsdesire.com“My assumption when I heard about it was that it would smell like french fries and burgers,” said Luis Bejaran, 24, who manages a Ricky’s store on Eighth Street in Manhattan. But, he said, that wasn’t the case. “It’s a combination of Axe body spray, TAG and this YSL cologne I have. It’s one of those scents that’s not sweet, and light at the same time.” Yea along with cheese and onions. While Bejaran said he would be certainly be willing to try it, his female co-workers were not so sure about it. “It’s not the best choice for a man,” offered one. The fragrance has sold at least 10 bottles, but the curiosity may come from the disgusting display poster of a reclining, half-naked Burger King. Burger King itself describes Flame this way: “The WHOPPER sandwich is America’s favorite burger. FLAME by BK captures the essence of that love and gives it to you. Behold the scent of seduction, with a hint of flame-broiled meat.” I expect this will spawn a whole new repertoire of pick-up lines. “Hey baby, I’m Flame broiled.” “Wanna check out my Whopper?” and of course the inevitable, “I’ve got a double Whopper.” Yes I can see it know, Fast food restaurants everywhere coming up with their own versions. Taco Bell’s burrito scented perfume so you can impress your woman by smelling like refried beans. McDonald’sessence of Big Mac, of course it’s a dollar cheaper and available through the Driver-thru…super-sized for an extra $.50. Wendy’s, “Hot and Juicy” and Subway’s mix your own scent perfume. Well, it’s another brilliant trend for American Industry. No wonder all the jobs are going to China. Hmm, chow mein scented…
Online auctions just keep getting stranger and stranger. People seem to be getting more bizarre about what they sell online all the time. One guy sells his wife, another auctions his life, now we have a New Zealand man putting up his soul to the highest bidder. I thought you were just supposed to meet up with the devil at a crossroads or in the dead of night for that kind of transaction. Walter Scott is selling his soul online. He’s not to be confused with the 17th century writer Sir Walter Scott, the soul’s not that cool, but he does say that it is a “merry old soul” and not a “funk soul brother” though he would like to think there is a little funk in there somewhere. Scott said he had been thinking about selling his soul for ages. “I can’t see it, touch it or feel it, but I can sell it, so I’m going to palm it off to the highest bidder,” he said. It was in “pretty good nick” except for a rough patch six years ago when he reached the legal drinking age, he said. Hmm, a few miles on it, but overall, in reasonable condition. The thing I wonder about is what do you do with a soul after you get it. Do you become a “soul collector?” Is one soul better than another and when you buy the soul is it truly a binding contract? Advice from a lawyer was that the winning bidder would not be entitled to anything but Scott’s soul and would not be able to own or control him in any way, he said. The successful bidder will receive a framed deed of “soul ownership,” Scott said. I wonder if it will be signed in blood? TradeMe, which is the website hosting the auction, business manager Michael O’Donnell said the auction complied with the site’s rules because a physical object, the deed of ownership, would change hands. Well at least you have the paperwork when all is said and done.”I think he has entered into the spirit of the online community and he’s also responded to our request to have a physical thing for sale and he’s put together a nice looking deed for ownership,” O’Donnell said. Admittedly it’s something you could brag about to your friends down at the pub. “Hey I just bought this crazy guy’s soul on the internet.”“Wow, how much did you have to give for that?” “Just a couple of hundred.” “Does it come with a four-speed?” “No, but they do come in black.” I just can’t see doing something like this. I’ve worked hard on my soul. It’s definately been a bit used and abused but still it’s mine and I intend to keep it. I just can’t see someone else having the paperwork on it.
Alien people, alien canines, alien children, alien rock bands, alien hunters, were all in attendance at the annual Roswell, New Mexico, UFO Festival 2008. Heck I wouldn’t have been surprised to see Sigourney Weaver and a couple of Jedis walking around. The only thing missing was the real aliens and I’m sure that if they would have turned up, I don’t think anyone would have noticed. They would have blended right in. This gathering, which celebrates and calls attention to the Roswell UFO crash mystery and is held on the anniversary of the crash (it was convenient that the aliens crashed near the 4th of July), brings UFO enthusiasts from all over into the community for some fun and some seriousness as well. UFO sightings are running rampant lately and there has never been more visual evidence available. Since the popularity of video on cellphones and video cameras, digital cameras, virtually everyone has them at their fingertips, so whenever someone sees something weird, UFO or not, it is getting recorded.Certainly the prime purpose of all of this is to have fun, and yet there is an undercurrent of seriousness laced with cover-ups and government disinformation. It makes for a strange mix. The attendance was up over 25% for a total of 7216 registered alien enthusiasts. That’s big business for a little town like Roswell especially considering the high price of travel right now. Appearances by celebrity guests Dee Wallace Stone, known for her role in “E.T.,” and Keir Duella, who played the lead role in “2001: A Space Odyssey,” proved to be the biggest hits during the festival. Top researchers and authors presented their work and offered serious lectures on the possibility of extraterrestrial life, as has come to be expected. Between all that there was entertainment, including a band that claims an alien drummer, of course a showing of the movie Roswell, and alien look alike contests including one for dogs. I didn’t know there were alien dogs. The CBS Early Show even showed up and got in on the act, must have been a slow news week. Now if they could only get a spaceship to land.
Niagara Falls is famous for idiots trying to go over the Falls inside of a barrel. It’s not something I would try even in a drunken bet. Well this new stunt, which in my opinion is just as stupid, ranks right alongside the rest of the Niagara craziness. With just his hands to slow him down, daredevil Dean Sullivan jumped face-first off the Skylon Tower, attached to only a rope and landed safely 520 feet to the ground below as hundreds of spectators cheered the fact that he didn’t go splat and make a huge mess on the pavement. The jump, which took place with no mechanical safety devices, occurred around noon so that he was assured a maximum crowd to nauseate if he screwed up. “You have to be pretty courageous to do something like that. I would never be able to do it,” said Morgan Potts, who watched the jump with her friend Erika Helder. Maybe you’ve got more sense than he does. Where anyone gets courageous out of this baffling, brain dead maybe. “He must be pretty proud of himself, I know I would be,” added Helder. “We thought it would be pretty cool to come and see it, and it was.” I don’t know about proud but definitely relieved he’s alive. What Sullivan does is basically rappelling, but the main difference is he comes down face-first, essentially, bass ackwards. While Sullivan has performed this type of a stunt for many years, his performance on Monday was the first time he has been able to do it legally. In 2002 and 2007, he did jumps near Niagara Falls, where he had to flee immediately after in order to avoid getting caught and receiving hefty fines. Niagara Falls city councillor Wayne Thomson, who is chairman of the Daredevil Days Committee, said that after people visit the Falls the one thing that fascinates them the most has been our daredevils. There’s nothing like honoring the village idiots. “That’s what people want to see and do,” said Thomson, who has been an avid supporter of these types of events because they help bring visitors to our city and stimulate the economy. Yea it’s like going to a race just hoping to see a wreck. Ryan Kerwin, a visitor from Prince Edward Island, said he had no idea the stunt was going to take place and found out about it while taking a tour. “I thought he was a little bit nuts, but quite entertaining. He seemed prepared for it and I was actually a little shocked when I saw him go over the side. He went over fairly quickly so it caught me a little bit off guard.” Kerwin said this will definitely be one of the highlights of their trip and something they will be taking about when they return home and see their friends. Yep it would definitely be something to retell over a few cocktails.Sullivan’s next big event will take place on Aug. 16 at Daredevils Days on Queen Street in downtown Niagara Falls. He will attempt to break a world record by jumping 1,000 feet from a Niagara Helicopter, face first. He’s just determined to end up as a smear on the pavement. Well, we know one thing, if he makes a mistake, it’ll be his last.
This is a video of the jump. Bear with it as there is some scenery shots of Niagara Falls in the beginning, but it does get to the actual stunt.
MAN SELLS HIS SOUL IN ONLINE AUCTION
Posted by mclassen on July 10, 2008
Online auctions just keep getting stranger and stranger. People seem to be getting more bizarre about what they sell online all the time. One guy sells his wife, another auctions his life, now we have a New Zealand man putting up his soul to the highest bidder. I thought you were just supposed to meet up with the devil at a crossroads or in the dead of night for that kind of transaction. Walter Scott is selling his soul online. He’s not to be confused with the 17th century writer Sir Walter Scott, the soul’s not that cool, but he does say that it is a “merry old soul” and not a “funk soul brother” though he would like to think there is a little funk in there somewhere. Scott said he had been thinking about selling his soul for ages. “I can’t see it, touch it or feel it, but I can sell it, so I’m going to palm it off to the highest bidder,” he said. It was in “pretty good nick” except for a rough patch six years ago when he reached the legal drinking age, he said. Hmm, a few miles on it, but overall, in reasonable condition. The thing I wonder about is what do you do with a soul after you get it. Do you become a “soul collector?” Is one soul better than another and when you buy the soul is it truly a binding contract? Advice from a lawyer was that the winning bidder would not be entitled to anything but Scott’s soul and would not be able to own or control him in any way, he said. The successful bidder will receive a framed deed of “soul ownership,” Scott said. I wonder if it will be signed in blood? TradeMe, which is the website hosting the auction, business manager Michael O’Donnell said the auction complied with the site’s rules because a physical object, the deed of ownership, would change hands. Well at least you have the paperwork when all is said and done.”I think he has entered into the spirit of the online community and he’s also responded to our request to have a physical thing for sale and he’s put together a nice looking deed for ownership,” O’Donnell said. Admittedly it’s something you could brag about to your friends down at the pub. “Hey I just bought this crazy guy’s soul on the internet.” “Wow, how much did you have to give for that?” “Just a couple of hundred.” “Does it come with a four-speed?” “No, but they do come in black.” I just can’t see doing something like this. I’ve worked hard on my soul. It’s definately been a bit used and abused but still it’s mine and I intend to keep it. I just can’t see someone else having the paperwork on it.
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