A humorous look at the odder things that go on in the world written by author Mikel B. Classen. If you’re looking for something to pick up your day, this is the place to look.
Welcome sports fans. I’m so excited I have to keep going back and correcting my spelling. It’s official, the LFL (That’s Lingerie Football League, for those of you that are a bit behind) has announced they will be instituting a regular season starting this fall. Yes, the pay-per-view Superbowl Halftime special of Lingerie Football which has been providing an alternative to aging rockstars has decided to take their game to the next level. And what a game, women in helmets and shoulder pads and not much more. It gives a whole new meaning for padded bra. This is being billed as “True Fantasy Football.” It certainly qualifies as mine. This is full contact, tackle football, none of that wimpy touch, flag, crap. In HD you should be able to hear the smack of silicone. Whoever thought of this is an absolute genius. I’m already a fan and it hasn’t even started. I can’t wait to see them line up every week on the line of scrimmage. The running back bouncing down the field, the wide reciever going out for a long one, the tight end doing… well anything. This could redefine tailgating. There are ten teams established that will be playing across the country on fridays starting 9/04/09 at the Sears Centre, in Chicago, Illinois home of the Chicago Bliss. Wow, TGIF. That ought to heat up the end of summer and fall. Other teams are the Dallas Desire (I wonder if there’s a Debbie in there), San Diego Seduction, Denver Dream (Yea we know what kind of dream that is), Los Angeles Tempation, (How come California always gets more teams than everybody else?) and Seattle Mist (sounds like a drink). Oh yes, there will be a Lingerie Bowl. I wonder if it will be sponsored by Victoria’s Secret. Their advertising would be as good as the NFLs (actually better). You can check it out at www.lingeriebowl.com it’s worth it just for the video promos. I wonder what their halftime will be? Maybe Janet Jackson? It’s going to be hard to top the players. Just think of the endzone dances, dudes there’s a goalpost. It’s about time we got women more involved in sports. I think they should have an LFL draft. They could pick from Playboy Playmates and Penthouse Pets. I’ll volunteer as commissioner. I’m officially putting my name in right here. You don’t even have to pay me. I’ll work for beer.
Here’s a bright idea. Let’s give the President, Obama currently, the power to just randomly shut down the internet. I can’t imagine this one not being abused. Yes, if Senate Bills #s 773 and 778 have their way introduced by Jay Rockefeller and co-sponsored by Olympia Snowe, the President will get the power to shut off the internet to stop the flow of information within the U.S. whenever he deems it an appropriate cyber emergency. It also will provide immediate information to the Secretary of Commerce on all privately owned networks deemed to be critical to the nation’s infrastructure “without regard to any provision of law, regulation, rule, or policy restricting such access.” We’re talking major privacy invasion issues here, not to mention wadding up the constitution and throwing it in the trash. The problem is that nowhere do these bills define what circumstances are appropriate and does not define what a cyber emergency is. I’ve embedded a video below which explains this insanity further…and better. This has bipartisan sponsorship which means this actually could have a chance of passing. For those of us that blog and are primary to this information flow, this is a direct attack AND SHOULD BE OF PRIMARY CONCERN.
I don’t know why we keep fooling around with stuff we just shouldn’t be messing with. Take this project to fire lasers to recreate a miniature sun on the surface of the earth. I’m not a scientist but it seems like a no-brainer to me that this is a BAD IDEA! I suspect there’s a reason that the sun is 93 million miles away. This project should be as well. Apparently these people have never seen Spiderman 2 where Doc Ock basically tries the same thing only with disasterous results. Guys, if you screw up Spiderman isn’t going to be there to save you. “The National Ignition Facility has already test-fired all 192 giant lasers at Lawrence Livermore National Laboratory in California as a part of this concept. The lasers will eventually focus their power on compressing and heating a single, pea-sized fuel capsule to more than 180 million degrees Fahrenheit in order to trigger thermonuclear fusion. Just 150 micrograms of deuterium and tritium, or less than one-millionth of a pound, can serve as the fuel for the NIF experiment. But containing the high-temperature plasma from a fusion reaction represents a special challenge: temperatures of 180 million degrees F and up would melt any known substance.” Challenge? Melt any known substance! Does that include the containment unit? How about the planet itself? Tritium, Isn’t that the same substance Doc Ock was after? “The rapid, intense heating from the lasers makes the outer layer of the tiny fuel capsule explode outward, and that compresses the remaining fuel inward and helps trigger the fusion reaction. Fusion burn consumes the cooler, outer regions of the capsule faster than the capsule can expand, which contains the resulting reaction.” You hope. Seems to me the key word here is Explode! This could give a whole new meaning to global warming. What if your little sun decides to go nova? Seems to me I read somewhere that our atmoshere is flamable. I think there’s a reason that stars function so well in the vacuum of space. I thought scientists were suppossed to be smart. I repeat…..BAD IDEA!!!!!
