Should there be limit to what qualifies as memorabilia? I mean really, I can understand autographs and musical instruments, but isn’t this getting bit too personal, John Lennon’s crapper? A toilet that belonged to late Beatle John Lennon fetched 9,500 pounds ($14,740) at auction on Saturday, around 10 times its estimate, the sale organizers said. Now granted it is a rather elegant porcelain beauty and I expect many a song inspiration came from moments here, but really, the toilet? Lennon had the porcelain lavatory removed from Tittenhurst Park in Berkshire, southern England, where he lived from 1969 to 1971, and replaced with a new one. So either it doesn’t work or he didn’t like it. Heck he may not have even used it at all. Wow, all of that money on the remote possibility that John Lennon may have crapped here. “Hey, check this out, it’s John Lennon’s toilet.” “I bet this is where he wrote Imagine or more likely Yellow Submarine. ”Let’s get some ice and fill it full of beer. I bet that porcelain will keep it real cold.  The builders who took away the white and blue lavatory were told to “put some flowers in it or something,” according to the auction catalog. I may be reading between the lines here, but it really sounds to me like Lennon thought this was a crappy crapper. They didn’t even keep it for one of Yoko’s weird art projects. Yes I just paid thousands for something John Lennon wanted nothing to do with. Good God man, this thing doesn’t even qualify for a passing interest. Builder John Hancock stored it in his shed for 40 years until he died recently and the lavatory was sent for sale, British media reports said. What, did he have a note tacked on it that said, “John Lennon threw this out?” Don’t touch the brown stains, it’s Beatle poop. The Abbey Commode was among Beatles memorabilia sold at auction as part of the Beatle week festival in Liverpool, the group’s native city in northwest England. The pre-auction estimate was 750 to 1,000 pounds.  Anne-Marie Trace, who works at the Beatles Shop in Liverpool which organized the sale, said the high price paid had taken the organizers by surprise.”I think it’s the most unusual item we’ve ever had in our auction,” she told Reuters. Considering the money that this brought, I expect to see plumbers everywhere resurrecting rock star toilets. Next it will be Jim Morrison’s urinal. “Check it out dude, see that yellow stain? It’s where he missed when he was really stoned.” Janis Joplin squatted here. Heck I can see Keith Richards volunteering his. “Right there on the lid, that’s where I snorted me dad’s ashes. Here’s a small vial of dad to go with the auction.” I can see where that would up the price. The buyer has remained anonymous. I wouldn’t want anybody to know I’d done this either. Well, John Lennon may be dead, but somewhere he’s laughing his ass off right now.

Once again our educational experts have succeeded in showing us the epitome of American education in action. In a major breakthrough for robot technology, a team of experts from a major US university have taught a robot how to pair socks. Very slowly. So slowly in fact, that it could take years for it to do a load of laundry! The team from the University of California, Berkeley have managed to program the PR2 robot to identify a pair of socks, work out if the socks need to be turned inside out, and then bundle the pair together. The entire process takes just under 15 minutes to pair two socks.  Like I said, the American educational system at work. They couldn’t have made something that has some actual practical use, like locating lost people in earthquakes, no we have to have a robot that pairs socks. What’s next oh, great gurus of cyber creatures, somthing that hands me a towel as I step into a shower? Best of all, as seen in the sped-up video the team posted to YouTube, thank god it’s sped up, (It’s posted below) the system the robot uses to match the socks appears to be a bit obscene. If you don’t get it from watching, then maybe your mind isn’t as far in the gutter as mine. I freely admit I’m a bit twisted. After watching this, you realize that this appears to be more of a prank than an accomplishment. The UC Berkeley team of Ping Chuan Wang, Stephen Miller, Mario Fritz, Trevor Darrell and Pieter Abbeel won the $5,000 first prize in this competition run by the PR2 robot’s manufacturer, Willow Garage, to make the robots “do something cool, funny, or useful.” OK so they missed the cool and useful part. I’m thinking they missed the marketable part too. I can’t picture a flood of consumers rushing out to pick one of these up. Seems to me there couldn’t have been much competition there. If this is the best they could come up with, I’m thinking back to the drawing board. “Hey man, I just picked up this cool droid that matches my socks for me.” “Really, well I just got one that goes to the fridge and gets me beer. I even programmed it to ignore cheap beer for when lame-os stop by and throw a case of crap in there.” “Wow, man, I feel so inadequate now.” Now for the next point, since this was done at a University, where did the funding for this came from? A grant? Did we pay for this miracle of technology? I bet these are the kind of guys that write computer viruses for laughs over a few Red Bulls and Pop Tarts. Other prize-winning entries included a third-placed effort, in which a robot acts as a one-man band, and demonstrates that U2′s “With Or Without You” and “Here Comes the Sun” by the Beatles sounds stupid when played by a robot with just a keyboard and a drum. Musicians need not fear for their jobs anytime soon. That video I did not include hoping to spare your sensibilities. Yes, you can thank me now. (If you must torture yourself watching it, follow the link above to the contest page, the video is there.) Well, if this is the best our American future geniuses can offer, the Asian electronics market has little to fear from us. But then again, we are the country that gave the world Microso….Ah, crap Windows just crashed again.

I’ve heard of a lot of things being offered for campaign funding in politics, but this one is definately original. Gustavo Rojas, a candidate for Venezuela’s National Assembly is raffling off breast implants to raise money for his campaign. I’m waiting for the politically correct police to come along and arrest everyone involved. I wonder if he’s a member of the Big Boobs party. This must be part of their beautify Venezuela campaign.  ”Some people raffle TVs and we decided to offer this. It’s an interesting prize and there’s a lot of interest….When someone raffles a TV, some people think it’s a good TV but others don’t like it. It’s the same. I’m not showing disrespect to anyone,” says Rojas. Is the TV hi-def? Question? If you win the raffle, do you just get the implants or does installation come with it? He should come up with a slogan, better government through bigger boobs. Help keep Venezuela bouncing forward. And my personal favorite: Legislation through aumentation. “There are critics but also some people think it’s a nice idea,” continued Rojas, adding, “The raffle is a financing mechanism, nothing else. It’s the doctor who will do the operation, not me.” We are all certainly grateful to hear that. There’s nothing like hiring a real professional, unlike politics. I guess the free install is part of the deal. I’m wondering if this could be the start of a trend. His political rival ups the ante, two breast implants hoping for the twin vote. Feeling short-changed, penis implants with a lifetime supply of Viagra. Vote for me and lyposuction for everyone. Cosmetic surgery, especially breast enlargement, is widespread in Venezuela, whose beauty queens have won numerous international pageant titles. Now we know how they won. This gives an entirely new meaning to Silicon Valley. Even a recession has not diminished Venezuelans’ appetite for cosmetic surgery, with many people taking out loans for operations. This sounds more like L.A. than third world South America. I know breast implants is definately not what I would be mortgaging the house for. What if someone doesn’t pay the loan back? “I’ve come here to repossess your wife’s breasts.” Then does the bank auction them off to the highest bidder? However this goes, Rojas may have politicians everywhere looking at campaign funding from a different cleavage point. Inflation can be seen as a good thing. Is the value of your dollar dropping? Give it an implant. Oh yeah, we already did that with the bank bailout. I guess this isn’t that new of an idea after all.

Look Ma, at least I’m wearing a helmet. Yeah, a lot of good that’s going to do when you’re tangled up in a life raft while plunging 13,000 feet towards the earth while trying to solve a Rubik’s cube. I case you haven’t already figured this out, I’m not really onboard with this idea. As if the Rubik’s Cube wasn’t hard enough, Ludwig Fichte of Dresden, Germany completed the puzzle while skydiving. In a rubber dinghy. That’s the picture at the top. The video is below. His boat was held in place by two helper skydivers and Fichte cracked the Cube with a comfortable 7000 feet left in his plunge. In other words, the stunt was achieved by committee. Now I’m really amazed it succeeded. Heck, I’m impressed the plane got off the ground. Fichte said: “Solving the Rubik’s Cube in freefall has been done before by three people, as far as I know. But I am the first to do it in a rubber boat.” Brilliant! Why didn’t I think of that? Because I’m not the village idiot, that’s why. Where do these ideas come from? There can only be one answer, alcohol. “Hey man lets do something for Youtube. I can solve a Rubik’s cube while skydiving.” “Naw. That’s been done before.” “How about this? We can do it while sitting in a rubber life raft.” “Great that’ll give me somwhere to sit down while I’m solving the puzzle. My brain doesn’t work while I’m standing up.” “Cool, that way, if we get into trouble, we’ll already be in the life raft.” “Awesome, safety first.” Just think there’s some poor mother out there that has to admit that she gave birth to this guy. “Yes I know I should have had my tubes tied after I gave birth to the accountant.” Well, so much for German ingenuity. Maybe they should stick to making Volkswagens or beer. Oops, I’m guessing it was the beer that started all of this.

Every once in a while, animals prove they are smarter than people which in many cases, doesn’t take much. A wild pig wrestling competition at a Montana county fair has had to be put on hold after the animals went missing ahead of the event. Somehow, the pigs got wind that they were the main event and wanted no part of it. The pigs in northern Montana, US, usually live within a 10-mile free-range property along the Marias River and 30 boars are usually captured the day ahead of the event, which was planned for Friday. There’s nothing like waiting until the last minute. But this year, only one wild pig (I guess he didn’t get the word) was found on the property and fair officials have had to postpone the event until they can locate them. Does this mean they’ve instituted a state wide pighunt? Are there pictures of the pigs on the local milk cartons. Have you seen this pig? If so please call the hotline 1-800-SWINE.  Local Fair organizers took to the air, but were unable to locate any more of the pigs. It seems they’ve made a clean getaway. Apparently, having a throw-down with a bunch of crazed cowboys was not their idea of a good time. I suspect that the after match bar-b-que wasn’t high on their list either. They probably looked at each other and said “I’m thinking road trip. Look at poor Charlie over there. He’s still got something shiny stuck up his ass. I think a couple of those cowboys are a little funny when it comes to animals. We better get out of here before they bag us and tag us.” Fair office manager Shirley Embleton says next year, organizers will devise a new plan to locate and capture the animals earlier in the week. That’s it, go after them before they can outsmart you. Don’t give these creatures time to plot an escape. The pig wrestling must go on! Maybe next time they ought to schedule the hog calling before the wrestling.

For those of you that have never witnessed such a stellar event, check out the video below. I can’t balme the pigs for hiding.

Are you up for a bet? A British billionaire, Alki David, has offered $1 million to the first person who manages to streak naked in front of Barack Obama. Somehow I’m thinking that a mil isn’t quite enough. He had originally offered $100,000 but was told that wasn’t enough.  Three months ago the Nigerian born businessman, 42, established the Battlecam site, which offers people thousands of pounds if they perform, and video, crazy stunts live through the site. But on Tuesday, David dramatically raised the stakes to $1 million (£639,000). The only catch is the person has to have the website’s name scrawled across their stomach. Ah, I get it now. Someone goes out and does something extremely stupid, (they’re going to need the million for the lawyers fees) advertizes your site and business, while you sit back and reap the benefits. Wow, this guy should be in politics. But in trying to explain how some people would take up the challenge, he said “fame is an incredible narcotic” for some people with “TV cameras having an amazing effect on how people will behave”. Well, the money doesn’t hurt the incentive either. This means we’re guaranteed at least one nut job taking up the gauntlet. Yes, some overweight, out of work, steel worker from Pittsburgh will be racing across the White House lawn screaming “free Roethlisberger”, battlecam.com scrawled across his belly with his wife’s lipstick while some accomplice video tapes it hoping it goes viral on Youtube. Yes that’s America baby! The land of I’ll do anything stupid for a dollar or my face on TV.  He defended himself against claims he was creating a security risk for the President. He only urged participants to undertake the challenge in an area where they would not get arrested for indecency. Well, that only leaves Key West. I don’t expect to see Obama there any time soon, it’s just not his kind of place, happy and prosperous. “I have thought about the Secret Service taking me aside and pulling me behind the White House bicycle shed but this is all in good fun,” David told The Daily Telegraph.“I find most Americans are able to laugh at themselves.” You see how funny it is if you’re the one in jail. ”It is not as if there are any negative intentions. It is just a silly, outrageous prank which is not going to hurt anyone.” Except, maybe the streaker when he gets shot and beaten by the Secret Service. At least he wouldn’t be able to hide any concealed weapons. Is that a weapon or are you just happy to see me?  That’ll get some attention for your site. “There is no threat at all, it is not as if I am challenging someone to hurl an egg at him or do something that could be perceived as violent. This is a classic (prank) act.” Don’t say things like that too loud. It gives people ideas. Somebody might do that one as a freebie. Remember the shoe throwing incident at Bush. Now that I think about this, maybe you’re not all that safe from reprisals with this. Let’s see, you publically announced the bet, hoping for takers. It’s not like we don’t know who instigated this. I’m thinking CIA. Maybe going high profile with this, is evidence that maybe this wasn’t fully thought out. It might really hurt when those Cayman Island accounts suddenly disappear. Video tape that and put it on your website.
]]> http://mikelclassen.wordpress.com/2010/08/17/would-you-streak-barack-obama-for-a-cool-million-dollars/feed/ 0 mclassen Alki David: British billionaire's $1m dare 'to person who streaks in front of Barack Obama' http://mikelclassen.wordpress.com/2010/08/13/serbian-testicle-festival-hopes-to-tempt-tourists-with-tasty-treats/ http://mikelclassen.wordpress.com/2010/08/13/serbian-testicle-festival-hopes-to-tempt-tourists-with-tasty-treats/#comments Fri, 13 Aug 2010 17:23:16 +0000 mclassen http://mikelclassen.wordpress.com/?p=302 ]]>

Chew on this. Tourism chiefs in Serbia are hoping their annual testicle cooking competition will do for the region what whisky did for Scotland. Let’s see, whiskey, testicles. Hmm, gotta go with the whiskey. Here’s an idea doomed to failure. The only thing this will attract are man-bashing, immasculating women.  The Testicle Cooking World Championship in Ozrem takes place for the seventh time this year and is open to cooks from all over the world. Dishes, said to have aphrodisiac qualities (Of course they have to mention aphrodesiac, it’s the only remote way they might get someone to chew on these), are made from the testicles of animals including bull, wild boar, horse, shark, ostrich, kangaroo, donkey, turkey, goat, reindeer and elk. In other words, every male animal beware, the Serbians are coming. Never once in my life have I ever wondered what the taste difference between one animal’s balls and another’s is. I still don’t want to know. Organisers admit they rarely get chefs from abroad, but they are hoping that the festival will start to attract international visitors to sample the food. Why would you think that? Testicles belong in the garbage can, not on my plate. If I were a chef, this is certainly something I wouldn’t specialize in if I ever wanted to be employed. Festival organiser Ivo Mokovich said: “The importance of a recognisable brand to sell a region cannot be underestimated. Look at how many people go to Scotland because of the whiskey or how many people know Switzerland because of their cheese and chocolate.” Whiskey, cheese and chocolate don’t make me gag when I think about them. This is definately not one of the best ideas I’ve heard of. The only tourists you’re going to get are starving refugees. Mokovich continues: ”We are now hoping that the many famous and varied testicle dishes that we have created in the region will become world-famous and attract people who appreciate good food from all over the world.” Mr. Mokovich and I have a different definition of good food, heck I’m not even classing it as edible. I’m predicting that we won’t be seing a rash of Serbian cusine based restaurants springing up. Have you eaten your testicles today? I just can’t see this working. Mr Mokovich added: “This year the theme is let your imagination run free. We have allowed the entrants to submit dishes using any kind of testicles that they want, large or small and we’re looking forward to seeing what the expert Serbian testicle cooks come up with.” Let’s hope they come up with an alternate cuisine. I know I’m not going to be jumping on a plane to rush out for this. I wonder if this is how they tailgate in Serbia? “Hey guys, come on over for the game, I got testies on the grill.” It gives a whole new meaning to meatballs. I only have these words of advice: eat the other parts of the animal, throw that crap away and think of another idea. Even a zombie wouldn’t eat this.

Yes, I agree, this isn’t funny, it’s just stupid. A Russian man died in the finals of the world sauna championships in Finland after spending some six minutes sweltering in temperatures of 110 degrees Celsius (230.00F), organizers said Sunday. I’ve slow roasted a piece of meat at those temperatures. This goes to show that you find an idiot for any occasion. The world sauna championships, where competitors try to outlast others in the heat and steam, have been held 12 times in Heinola, some 138 km (86 miles) northeast of Finland’s capital Helsinki. Apparently, roasting people is a regular sport in Finland. I wonder if they baste them in butter first? Dozens of competitors were whittled down to just two, (hmmm, lots of turkeys for this competition) but six minutes into the final, judges noticed something was wrong with Russian champion Vladimir Lazyzhenskiy and dragged him and Finnish finalist Timo Kaukonen from the sauna. I bet it was the scent of well-done meat. It might have been quicker if they’d have used the microwave. “After this incident we decided that this game is over and done,” Saija Jappinen, cultural secretary at Heinola city told Reuters, announcing the end of the event. I suppose it would be hard to shake of the stigma of cooked contestants. I wonder who was the moron who thought of this in the first place, obviously someone who had been in the sauna too long. Kaukonen, the survivor, was treated for burns in hospital. I wonder how that happened? The frightening thing is that this means on top of losing his life, Vladimir loses the competition, Kaukonen wins! I’ve seen and blogged about some dumb stuff in my day, but this one about takes the prize, that being a clear winner for a Darwin Award.

For an excellent video report on this follow this link: http://www.newsy.com/videos/russian-man-dies-during-world-sauna-championships/